Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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