dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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