sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
