we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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