STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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