ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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