wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
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