she was so not down for the gang bang
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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