hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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