so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
