If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
