I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
