Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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