$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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