yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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