I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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