you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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