spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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