who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
im holly from the hills drunk
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
