i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
How does one acquire holy water?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
