Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
