Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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