Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
