My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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