I'm so fucking centered right now
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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