New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
