pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
