chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
