After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
