Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize
