I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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