i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
