I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
