Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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