so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
