It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
