yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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