I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
