o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
