She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
