Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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