I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
