so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
