Define "chronic" masturbator.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
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