I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
