We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
