tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
