I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
