Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
