Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
