R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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